My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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