It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
