so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
