you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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