Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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