Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
