I just made out with a guy for $7.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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