i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
