So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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