The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
