"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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