this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
