I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
