In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it because I queefed?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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