she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize