Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
