I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
