I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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