I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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