apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The beer is more important than you right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
