you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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