420 ftw
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
