one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
