watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
