i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
