Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm passing your future prison.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
