from now on my penis is your penis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
