I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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