so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize