WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
