Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
