One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
