you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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