So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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