The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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