Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
