"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
