i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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