"it" just moved
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize