Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
