i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
