My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
