Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Will you blow on my dice?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
