she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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