If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize