I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
