We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
