How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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