Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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