you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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