Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
