Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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