careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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