I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
