btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
do nipples grow back?
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