He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
