She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
