sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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