but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
