Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
