so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
