And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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