i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Boobs are out for the taking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
