my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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