what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
