it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
