I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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