It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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