I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
