ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
