Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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