I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
