This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to calm my uterus...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
