hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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