I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
