we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize