I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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