i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this just has baby written all over it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
