Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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