so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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