She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
