With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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