Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
